


Keep It Secret

by Cottonstones



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Solo, porn star, porn!dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-14 04:34:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5729689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cottonstones/pseuds/Cottonstones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arin has some alone time, he just wants to relax and watch some nice porn. He has no idea the star of the video might be someone he knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in response to a prompt for Arin's birthday. A part of the Porn!Dan universe. Title is taken from Vegas Lights by Panic! At The Disco.

Arin is bored.

When Arin is bored - and alone, as Suzy is currently out of the house - a specific set of things usually happen. Namely, scrolling through Twitter, playing a video game, or jerking off. He’s currently in his and Suzy’s bedroom, and he doesn’t have the energy or motivation to go all of the way downstairs just to play video games.

His thumb hovers over the Twitter app on his phone, but he pulls up Google instead, finding himself using one hand to tap out the name of his favorite porn site as his other hand snakes to the front of his pajama pants, cupping his dick as it begins to stir with interest.

He likes to consider himself a porn pro. He knows what he likes and what gets him off the fastest, and he can usually tell by the first shot if the video is high quality or not. Right now, he breezes past his go-to videos, in the mood for something new. He scrolls through the “amateur” tag, seeing thumbnails that pique his interest but nothing that makes him want to click.

As he continues scrolling, one video does catch his interest. The title reads, “Big Dick Brunette Gets Himself Off.” He reasons that he’s curious. How big of a dick is it? He swears up and down that it’s _just_ curiosity that makes him click on that particular video and not at all the fact that he’s going to watch a dude jack it on camera.

As the video loads, he takes a moment to slide his pants down and get his cock out. He’s not going to jerk it to _this_ video, but the next one, definitely, so he needs to get ready, that’s all.

The video starts playing, opening up to a scrubby-looking bedroom. This video has to be fairly old, judging by the muted quality of the video. Either that or the guy filming himself owned a shitty-ass camera.

He can see white walls covered in posters of bands that he can’t quite make out the names of. The camera shakes a little as a hand adjusts it, pointing it toward a twin-sized bed, the covers stripped away, revealing white sheets. He scans the environment and swears that he can see what looks like a football helmet tucked into the corner of the room. Alright, so, a big dick jock. Fine.

A body moves in front of the camera. He can’t see the face yet, but he can see a narrow torso, lightly-tanned skin, a smattering of dark hair across a slim chest…

The guy is wearing gray boxer-briefs, and his large hands trail down to the waistband of the fabric, snapping it, before his fingers skitter lower, cupping the bulge of his heavy dick through the fabric.

Arin follows the hand’s actions, finding his gaze at the bulge, and - oh, okay, so the guy is big. Not, like, crazy big, but still sizeable. He feels his mouth go dry and his heart speed up a little. He knows how big the guy is, sort of. He really can’t properly judge until the guy’s underwear is off and his cock is out.

In the meantime, he mimics the guy, running his own hand down his stomach and to his own dick, rapidly stiffening under his touch. He keeps his breathing even. The guy isn’t getting him off. It’s…well, maybe Arin likes to pretend that he could do this. He totally could! He could at least make a better video than this dude.

The guy rubs at his dick, making it hard and straining against the fabric, and Arin swears he can see a damp spot of pre-come leaking against the front of his underwear already. He presses against his own slit to see if he’s leaking yet. He’s not. He swallows down a bit of disappointment as the hands in the video trail back up and out of view over a smooth, flat stomach.

He can hear a sucking sound, and he squeezes at his dick, the wet noise unexpectedly affecting him. He watches as the guy’s now-damp and shining fingers skate down the expanse of his stomach and back to the waistband of his boxers. His heart speeds up once more. He really wants this guy to pull down his underwear and stop teasing.

He wants it so bad that he almost forgets that’s he’s not supposed to want it at all.

The guy doesn’t wait any longer, thankfully, tugging his underwear down to his knees and freeing his hard cock. Arin lets out a small gasp at the sight, his breath hitching. The dick in front of him is long, not too thick, curving slightly upward, with minimal dark curls around the base. He feels his mouth water as the guy on the video strokes himself once, holding out his dick almost shyly to show it off, and his hand wanders to his own cock, giving himself a light, teasing stroke.

The guy spits into his hand, allowing Arin to catch the briefest glimpse of a pink mouth. He should switch videos. He’s seen the guy’s cock and it’s big and now he should move on to a video of a girl getting fucked or whatever and jack it to that. He totally should. Except…except, now, he’s spitting into his own palm to make the slide of his hand easier.

He shivers as he touches himself, stroking firmly as his mind goes foggy. He imagines the guy touching him with those large hands, long fingers, what it might feel like if this guy were opening him up. He lets out a soft moan, rocking his hips up. The guy is playing with himself in front of the camera, getting himself nice and hard, his fingers curling around his shaft, a large thumb rubbing at the slit. He watches the guy spread the slickness around the red head of his cock, can hear the guy gasping, his sounds lovely and soft, making sparks shoot through Arin.

He doesn’t want to admit it, but he wants this guy to back up, wants to see his whole body so that he can fantasize more fully. He wouldn’t mind if this guy, with his large hands, long fingers, and sweet noises, was leaning over Arin, small and taut, jerking Arin’s dick while one of his large hands spread open over Arin’s hip, keeping him pinned to the bed.

He imagines that glimpse of pink mouth, how it might look stretched around his cock - or what if the guy asked Arin to suck his cock? Could Arin even take it all? Would the guy hold Arin’s hair in his hands as Arin valiantly tried to suck down his gorgeous length?

The guy lets out a soft moan that makes Arin shiver.

“Yeah,” he whispers to himself in the empty room. “Let me hear you.”

The guy turns around so that his ass is facing the camera. He’s a long, lean line of tanned skin, his ass small but cute. Arin could imagine himself spreading those delicate cheeks and pressing inside, the same as he could imagine himself on his hands and knees, trying to keep himself open to let this guy inside, to let him fill Arin up.

The guy pads to the bed, his back to the camera. The room is fairly dim, but Arin thinks that he can make out a head of short, dark curls. Arin shudders, squeezing at his cock. It wasn’t fully intentional that he chose a brunette in the video. He certainly wasn’t trying to do it on purpose, wasn’t _looking_ for things that reminded him of one of the most important people in his life.

The guy crawls into the middle of his bed, flipping himself over on his back. Arin drinks in long, thin legs, thighs, that cock with the firm hand around it. The guy has his head tipped back, hiding his face as he lets out a moan. He’s fucking beautiful. Arin knows it. He can just guess that someone with such a lovely body would have a face to match.

By this point, Arin is jerking himself off steadily, breathing heavily, matching the rhythm of the guy. Arin is so hard, so _impossibly_ hard. He’s lost nearly all shame about jerking it to this particular video.

Then the guy in the video looks up and locks eyes with the camera. That sweet pink mouth, a strong jaw, dark eyes - soulful eyes, eyes that Arin looks into nearly every single day -

The hand on his cock freezes. His whole body moves as if in slow motion. His heart stutters practically to a stop. This guy, the guy in the video…he looks…he looks just like -

“Dan?” Arin says, his voice wavering in the quiet of the room.

His hand flies off of his dick as he pauses the video. The camera quality has gone to shit with the way that the guy had backed away, but Arin is sure, _so_ sure, that that’s Dan. It looks just like him. His mind reels. Dan had told Arin a million stories about a wild youth that Arin could only imagine having, but he’d never told Arin anything about doing porn, even in private. In their personal conversations, it had never come up.

Arin’s mouth is dry, but his cock still twitches, heavy and hard, between his legs, begging for the same attention that Arin had just given it. Guilt swirls through his stomach. Is this really Dan? If so, then Arin had unintentionally been getting off to Dan’s fucking secret porn video from who knows how many years ago.

His first instinct is to text Dan, but that would require a lot of explanation, more than Arin’s aroused brain can provide at the moment. He bites his lip, his thumb hovering over the “play” button on his phone. Maybe he needs more evidence? He needs to make sure that this really is Dan before he asks about it. He could just be imagining things, imagining a resemblance that isn’t really there.

He closes his eyes and hits the “play” button, greeted by a soft moan. His mind races. Is that what Dan sounds like? He doesn’t know, tries to smother the want to know, a want that’s been there for a very long time. Arin swallows thickly and lets himself open his eyes, lets himself see “Dan” again.

The longer that Arin looks, the more that the guy in the video looks like Dan, just a younger Dan. He remembers stories that Dan’s told him of being young and broke and sleeping in cars. It isn’t too much of a stretch to imagine that a young, down-on-his-luck Dan had made porn for fast cash.

He bites his lip, watching the man on the screen moan and buck his curvy hips. His heart is beating wildly in his chest, his cock straining as he listens to “Dan” moan on-screen. Jesus, he wants to continue to touch himself, to get off, but how can he get off to this video if it might be Dan? It doesn’t feel right.

He pauses the video, sighing in frustration as he wills his hard-on to go down. The mood is all but shot now. The only thing on his mind is talking to Dan about this. What if Dan doesn’t even know that it’s still up? What if he has no idea? It had been fairly easy for Arin to find, too - what if a fan found this? It’d be everywhere, all over Tumblr before any of them could stop it.

Arin tucks himself back into his pants, brings up his texts, and taps out a message to Dan with shaking fingers.

_Dan? We need to talk, man._


	2. Miscommunication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arin's got something to tell Dan, and Dan's got the surprise of his life coming.

Dan's halfway home when his phone chimes next to him on the passenger side seat. He's at a red light, so he scoops up his phone, Arin's name flickering across the screen. He unlocks his phone and opens the message, frowning at the words.

_We need to talk._

The text sounds oddly serious for Arin. It's not the kind of text that he usually sends. Dan feels nerves skate through him. Is everything okay? Did something happen?

_This sounds like the beginning of a break-up text. Is everything okay?_

The light changes before Arin replies, so Dan sets his phone down. It chimes a few moments later, but he has to wait until he stops again before he can check it.

_Can you come to my place?_

Now Dan's really nervous. Arin isn't joking, hadn't even responded to the humor that Dan had tried to inject into the situation. Something isn't right. Dan frowns, his heart beating faster in his chest as he makes a turn, heading back in the direction of Arin's place instead of his own.

_Sure, man, I'll be right over._

The entire drive to Arin's place, Dan's a nervous wreck. What if something happened with the show? With Arin himself? With Suzy? One of their friends? Jesus, what if Dan's getting _fired_? His throat is tight and his hands are shaking by the time that he pulls into Arin's driveway, parking behind Arin's car, taking Suzy's usual spot.

He takes a moment to breathe deep, his head whirling with ideas of what they might need to talk about. What has Arin so serious? Whatever it is, Dan doesn't like it. He's quick to exit his car and pad up the walk to Arin's front door, knocking once. Arin must have been close by because it feels like no time at all between Dan's knock and the door being pulled open.

Arin is right there in front of him, his face oddly blank, slightly pink as he meets Dan's eyes.

"Come in," he says, moving aside to let Dan slide pass him.

"Thanks," Dan says softly.

Arin closes the door, leaving the two of them in the foyer of the house, Dan waiting for Arin to make a move. He's never felt so tense before coming here, not even when he came over to discuss taking over the job of Not-So-Grump.

"Let's go into the living room," Arin says, nodding toward the room that Dan is more than familiar with. Arin sounds so careful, so tense, that there's no way that there isn't bad news coming. Dan's eyes flutter closed, but he nods, following Arin into the living room.

The two of them sit on the couch together, Dan at one end and Arin at the other. Arin rests his hands between his knees, letting out a deep sigh. Dan's practically shaking apart on the couch, so fucking scared of what might come out of Arin's mouth.

"What's...ah, what's going on?" Dan finally asks. He can't wait. Even if he's about to be fired, he can't wait one more second to find out.

Arin pushes his hand through his hair, avoiding Dan's eyes as he sighs again.

"Jesus, Arin," Dan says lightly, his eyes closing again. "If I'm, like...if the show is done or I'm fired or whatever, then just let me know, man. Tear it off like a Band-Aid, you know?"

"What?" Arin asks. He sounds genuinely mystified. "Wait, what? Dan, no, the show is fine and you...Jesus, you really thought that I was going to _fire_ you?"

"Well!" Dan says, his eyes shooting open. "You're being fucking weird, man. You tell me that we need to talk but you won't say what we need to talk about. Something's going on."

"It's hard...I don't know how to come out and say it."

"Arin," Dan groans, trying to be patient, but, really, not knowing is making him anxious and jittery, his stomach rolling. "Please."

Arin nods, letting out a deep breath before he finally, _finally_ looks at Dan.

"I... I was, uh...I was looking at some porn today, some random site, and I found this video," Arin starts.

This really wasn't where Dan had thought that this was going. Arin's taste in and frequency of watching porn wasn't something to make Dan drive all of the way over here to discuss. What's Arin trying to get at?

"And?" Dan asks, trying to kindly urge Arin on.

"And... I found a video of this guy," Arin continues, sounding so unlike himself, almost embarrassed, timid.

An idea strikes Dan so suddenly that he doesn't know how he didn't see it before. Arin is...Arin's, like, trying to _come out_ to him. It makes so much sense. Dan can't say that he's surprised, always half-suspecting that someday he'd have this conversation with Arin. Honestly, he's relieved that this is all that Arin wanted to tell him.

"I think that I know where you're going with this," Dan says, feeling his nerves fade away.

"You do?" Arin asks, sounding surprised, an eyebrow arched in Dan's direction.

"Yeah, man, and I want you to know that I'm totally okay with it."

"You...you _are_?"

Dan nods, unsure of why Arin sounds so surprised. Arin being gay or bisexual isn't exactly the most surprising thing in the world to Dan.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

"I... well, it's a little surprising. I thought that with, you know, the show and everything..."

"I think that the Lovelies might already know," Dan says with a teasing laugh. "I'm just kidding! Maybe we could, like, film something? An announcement?"

Arin's eyes widen, a flush creeping across his cheeks.

"You want to tell the _fans_?"

"You don't?" Dan asks. "I mean, it's your secret to tell. I just thought - "

"Hold on," Arin interrupts, raising his hands to silence Dan. "What are we talking about, exactly?"

Dan tilts his head, arching an eyebrow at Arin. He's pretty sure that they were on the same page here. "We're talking about you...coming out?"

Arin's eyes go wide. " _What_?"

"That's..." Dan starts. "That's what you wanted to talk about, right? You watched some gay porn and now you're ready to admit that you might want to fuck dudes?"

If looks could kill, then Dan is sure that he'd be dead on the floor right now. Arin's face is bright red and completely embarrassed.

"No!" Arin says. "That's...no!"

So Arin _hadn't_ been prepping some big coming out speech that would have been really sweet and emotional and probably make Dan cry? If not, then what the fuck do Arin's porn habits have to do with this conversation?

"Then what is it?" Dan asks, his own face reddening at his mistake.

"I'm..." Arin starts, his mouth gaping opened and closed in a perfect impression of a dying fish. "I found a video on the site and I'm...fuck, Dan, I'm pretty sure that you're in it."

Dan feels like he's been punched, the wind knocked right out of him. He doesn't need Arin to elaborate, doesn't need context, because he's had dreams like this, eerily similar to this moment, nightmares where Arin and everyone else find out about Dan's past...his _real_ past.

"I..." Dan starts, his brain buzzing and his face hot. He doesn't know what to say or do, his stomach twisting painfully, aching. "You did?"

Arin nods. He looks as sick as Dan feels.

"I didn't mean to. I was just...I was looking at amateur stuff and I found this one and I couldn't see the guy’s face until way later and it...it looks like you, Dan. Like, a fuck of a lot like you."

Dan could deny it, play it off, pretend that the resemblance is uncanny but definitely not him. Realistically, he knows that that isn't a good idea. He needs to face this head-on and that starts with being honest with Arin.

"It, ah...it _was_ me, Arin."

Arin's quiet, but he nods like he knew it all along. Dan notices him scoot farther down the couch, moving closer but still allotting Dan his space. Dan feels a little numb. He had thought that he had left that world behind a long time ago, but apparently it had caught back up with him.

"Can you, ah, show me?" Dan asks, his voice low and tight. He doesn't want to see, not really, but he feels like he should, just to make sure.

Arin sucks in a sharp breath, but when their eyes meet, his gaze softens. He nods, pulling out his phone.

Dan's heart is pumping so fast. He knows that Arin watched it, saw it, saw _him_ that way. What had he thought? What was he thinking now? Was he disgusted by Dan? By what Dan had done in the past?

In only a few moments, Arin is handing over his phone. "It was this one," he says as he taps the 'play' button for Dan.

Instantly, Dan is transported back to that time, to his twenties. He sees the shitty little room that he had rented back then, his Rush posters on the wall, his small bed that was never quite long enough, his feet always hanging off of the end.

Then Dan sees himself, his own lean body. He was actually even skinnier back then. He feels embarrassed as he watches his younger self fondle his cock through his boxers. He's hyper-aware of the fact that Arin had watched this. If he had made it to the point where Dan finally revealed his face...well, that point was pretty far into the video.

Dan's also aware of Arin sitting right next to him, head tipped down, curtain of dark hair hiding his face.

"I think that I've seen enough, Dan says as he stops the video and hands Arin back his phone.

There's a small silence where Arin tucks his phone away and then looks to Dan like he's expecting something - an answer, maybe, or an explanation. Dan has a headache, though. He doesn't feel like explaining anything.

"We can fix this," Arin says after a moment. "We can tell Brent and, I don’t know, quietly get the video pulled?"

Dan nods, but he doesn't think that that will fix much. "There's...there's more," he says quietly, almost grimly.

"Oh," Arin says, his tone careful, "how many more?"

Dan sighs, running hands through his hair. "I don't know! Just...there's more of them. If someone is re-uploading them, then that isn't going to be the only one, I can promise you that."

"Well," Arin offers, "no one's found them yet. Maybe they never will?"

Dan shrugs. He feels strange and numb. He'd noticed the huge number of hits on the video that Arin had watched. So many people had saw it, people who might recognize Dan just as Arin had. He feels like he has eyes on him right now, like that camera is still pointed directly at his face.

Arin must be able to tell that Dan is feeling off, that he's spiraling, because then he's got Arin's arm winding around his shoulder, tugging him close in a half-hug.

"We'll fix it, man. I promise. Until then...why don't you tell me what happened? Why you never mentioned that you did porn before?"

Dan snorts. "It's not something that you exactly announce. 'Oh, hey, nice to meet you! By the way, I used to do porn.'" Dan has spent the better part of the last ten years trying to forget that portion of his life, to escape that skin. He's not that person anymore and he doesn't want to feel like he is again. He's changed. He's _different_ now.

"Maybe you should just start at the beginning?" Arin suggests, his hand on Dan's shoulder a warm and comforting weight.

Dan lets his eyes fall closed as he nods, knowing that he needs to share the story. For everything to make sense, he needs to tell Arin why this happened in the first place.

"Okay," he says with a nod, assuring himself that he's going to go through with this. "I'll tell you, Arin."


End file.
